I’m excited to post my first collection of photographs for our 10 on 10 circle challenge. After you finish reading this post, please stop over to see how Jena of Jena Asgari Photography interpreted this month’s challenge.
This month’s challenge was to photograph “Endings“.
Endings are hard to photograph. Not only because they are often sad, but because we don’t always see them coming.
When you have a baby, people will tell you to enjoy every moment. They will tell you that it goes fast. They will tell you that they blinked, and their babies were grown. It’s true that the years go quickly. But here is what they don’t tell you – it doesn’t matter if you spend every moment of every day holding your baby. You will still feel like it wasn’t enough.
No one prepares you for these small endings.
Truth: there is going to be a day in your life where you will gather your child into your arms and carry him, and it will be the last time.
You’ll do it thoughtlessly – maybe he has fallen asleep somewhere and you pick him up, drawing his long limbs to you (and maybe you will think “when did he get so tall?” – and maybe you won’t) and you carry him to his bed. Maybe he has fallen, or you just want to hold him, or he wants to see something up high.
You won’t appreciate the significance of that moment at the time. You won’t even know that it is an ending. You’ll look back someday later and search for that memory – when was the last time that I carried him? But it won’t come to you. The childhood of your children is ephemeral and fleeting. It slips right through your fingers.
Alex is our last baby. All of his beginnings are a small ending for us. I feel hyper aware of this and want to grip these days and hold them tightly. His first smile, his first laugh, are all small endings for me. It is a bitter sweetness.
The other day, Sean and I assembled Alex’s crib. He is 9 months old, and his days of co-sleeping with us are ending. My days of nursing him are ending. We are closing this chapter forever – and there will never be another little baby sleeping next to us in bed. That tangy, sweet, musky perfume of a newborn baby will no longer cling to my sheets. I won’t feel the heat of his small body against me at night.
He is growing, and his beginnings are my endings. So I chose to photograph the ending of this stage of my life. I see it happening this time. And I am cherishing it.
And I know this is cheating, because there are actually 11 photos here. But, like I said … cherishing. 😉